Time

It was inevitable. I knew it was coming, creeping up on me... and it got me. There was simply no way to stop it, no way around it. As the day drew closer I vacillated between childish excitement and a sorrowful fear. But no amount of avoidance or distraction could possibly prevent time from continuing onward to that fateful day... my birthday. So, I admit it: I'm another year older; physically at least, I'm thirty-one.

Surprisingly, this year was harder to face than the last. I expected thirty to be challenging, but was pleasantly surprised to feel much the same as I had for the past few years. This birthday, however, has somehow gathered up all the time from about five years ago until now and thrown in all in my lap at once! I have never before felt my age. I don't know if that's usual or not, but I always felt younger than I really was. (Perhaps because my lack of height leads others to believe I am still young?) Most likely it's simply that I was not as mentally "mature" as I could have been. Don't get me wrong, I've been a pretty responsible adult and a decent mother, but I tend to get childishly enthusiastic about fun events and holidays.

So now I find myself struggling to muster up a joyful smile as we decorate for Halloween or plan a party. A nice quiet evening with a book is more enticing than a night out. Simple, repetitious meals appeal instead of new and different recipes. I am hoping this is just a temporary rut, a challenge I can overcome with a bit of effort, as opposed to a permanent, old-person sentiment that I will carry to the grave.

I suppose it is what I make it to be. And so I put on my happy face, plan fun and joyful activities with my family, determine that I will try new things and learn new skills, arm myself with holiday cheer and enthusiasm for life's little daily blessings, and rejoice with my whole soul in all that God has given me.

I will capture youth and hold it tight, and though my body ages I will keep my mind bright and my heart strong. I will laugh and cry and love, and never really grow old.

PS - I apologize for philosophizing so dramatically and promise to make my next post light-hearted, full of fun pictures and interesting moments with the kids.